Domestic Disturbance on an Isolated Farm North of Lintlaw, Saskatchewan, Canada

This man and his family attacked me and my family. My daughter needed me, her mother, to co-sign for her. This is my right as a Canadian woman in 2018. I should have the freedom to help the flesh of my flesh.

I come from a bad background. I grew up white trash. This seems to have given my husband and his family the right to be cruel to me and my children. God, they’ve been hard on us. If I ask for anything for myself and my kids it becomes a huge fight. I shouldn’t have to fight so hard for my right to be a woman, a mother, and now a grandmother.

I am an addict. I am an adult child of alcoholism and dysfunction. So I have issues, lots of issues. I see mental health regularly to be sure I am on track however. I am open and honest about my flaws and get help for them. It is well documented. I have accessed these services many times during my life here, for 10 and 1/2 years. I am legally prescribed medical marijuana. I have tried countless pharmaceuticals over my adult life, but they always react adversely with my chemistry. I feel like they bring up the trauma and pain for me to work through, but without the correct therapy, the trauma and pain are coming up in what appears to my husband and his family as an aggressive manner. But aren’t I allowed any rights as a woman, mother, and grandmother in my country of Canada? It shouldn’t be such a fight for me to help or see my family! My needs are important also, aren’t they?

I am emotional. I talk too loud, talk too fast, use sarcasm, and my words become weapons. Does this mean I deserve punches to the face or head? The kinds of punches that leave bumps and bruises? (I took pictures from the incident in August 2017 but those are the only ones I have.) What about strangling me? Is that allowed? What country am I in? A middle eastern one or one that allows the mistreatment of women? No, I am a Canadian woman. Why is this happening here? Still?

This happens to me because I desire to be a mother. I miss my kids. I mistakenly moved here with Bruce Gibb, my now husband, when he found me homeless. I was homeless. This was my own fault. I purposely sought out sin for a time in my adult life. I was a shameful mother. I did wrong. I lost everything. Absolutely everything. My children, my home, my car, my career, our belongings. Everything. I began to work on getting out of the sin cesspool I put myself in. Started to try to live right again. This is what I was when Bruce met me. The perfect victim. PERFECT. VICTIM. We began the dance, the dance I was so familiar with. The only one I ever knew. How could I know different? Who was there to teach me? I grew up moving constantly. Like virtually every year. We lived in isolated farm yards. My memories are beginning to return as to what actually happened in all those isolated farm yards. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.

The domestic violence dance began with Bruce and I. Our poor children. All six of them. This was not their fault yet they were made to feel as if it all was. That was so wrong. I will be making amends for a long while yet. It’s been ten and a half years of this. When all I want is to be with a family again. I am so alone here. There is no one on my team here. No one. Or that was until AA discovered me. Now I have people who care in my local area. (Thank you Higher Power!)

I always had a sense of morality. It was in my mind, but didn’t come out in my actions while I was using alcohol. My 12 step recovery programs (AA & ACA) are teaching me right from wrong. So now, I am learning to sincerely apologize for my atrocious behavior. I can differentiate between shame and guilt now. When those feelings were all mixed up, I had this chip. All that evil done to me all my life? All the rapes? All the beatings? Why, I shouldn’t have to say sorry! Well, was I EVER WRONG!!!!! And thank you, 12 steps, for now I know when I am doing wrong. I can say sorry and mean it. I can ask my Higher Power to remove those character defects from me. We can begin working on changing me, the only person I can change. I love that. It’s hard to have to look at my faults so intensely. I keep getting reminded by my fellow travelers in my program, that I am to be more gentle with myself. I am working on that. It’s been good to process all the wrong done to me, while I was an innocent child who should have been protected and loved by a family. I did the math once, and when I was calculating the approximate times I experienced violence, I got up to 10,000.  It’s more than that now. I have 10,000 broken soul fragments. Each fragment needs to be picked up, tenderly taken care of, and re-attached to my soul. I see my future self as a soul like a glittery mosaic glitter ball. All put back together. Far more beautiful than how she could have been before all the trauma. I dream of this someday.

I am an adult child, I was doomed to repeat the family patterns until I found recovery. Thank you, Higher Power, for the 12 Steps. The meetings, the Steps, the communication, the literature… This is all becoming a wonderful education for me. I didn’t know how to live before. I still don’t. But I am learning. I am grateful.

Will I go through a domestic violence program at a women’s shelter to get me into a violent free home? I really want to learn how to do this. Like so bad. I want to pass this down to my kids. I passed them so much dysfunction. Now I pray that I may pass them the right information on how to live.

Please pray for me. Or think beautiful thoughts of love and light for me. However you communicate with the Spiritual side of life. I could really use some support right now. Namaste and Higher Power blessings to All. xoxo

 

 

 

Advertisements

Dear Heaven, I surrender despair.

Silver Star GraphicAngelic Words HomeSilver Star Graphic

guidance from the angels

your messages from heaven

shuffles: 6
cut: 8
question: Dear Heaven, I seem to be having a problem with my thoughts, feelings, words, and actions. I don't feel very kind, Lord Jesus. I am sorry Holy Spirit. Would you please help me to feel joy so that I am a nicer person? I'm sorry for not being able to do this myself, but you said to surrender everything to you. So I am powerless over this despair. I believe You, my Higher Power, can, will, and are restoring me to sanity. I fully surrender despair to you now and forever more. Thanks Jesus. Amen.

Dear Lord,
We pray these angel cards
contain answers from You, Lord Yeshua,
to help this beloved friend.
Thank you for answering all
our prayers in your perfect way,
with your perfect timing.
Amen.

Card# 123
I AM

 

I am complete in Him Who is the Head of all principality and power (Colossians 2:10).

 

 

Card# 61
Psalm 91

Call upon Jesus

15 He will call on me, and I will answer him.
    I will be with him in trouble.
    I will deliver him, and honor him.

 

 

Card# 259
Esteem

Promised One

 

The true love promised you surrounds you now.
Take it, for it is yours!

image credit freeclassicimages.com

 

 

Archangel Michael says Positive Thoughts Create Positive Results!

Silver Star GraphicAngelic Words HomeSilver Star Graphic

a card from the angel card database

Lord, thank You for Your Word that brings me comfort, protection, and all I could ever need. "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." (Psalm 119:105 KJV) In Jesus, Amen
If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to email me: send mail
Thank you for visiting and God bless.

My intention for these cards is to bring glory to Jesus and point a way to Him. They are designed to provide help for the present moment so better choices are made to create a better future.
These cards were not created for fortune-telling or divination of any kind but guidance only for the present moment.

 

Dear Lord Jesus, we love You. Amen.

 

Dear God, show me what you want to show me.

POSITIVE THOUGHTS CREATE POSITIVE RESULTS

from Archangel Michael Oracle Cards
My Prayer: Divine love and wisdom, I call upon you now. I know that my mind and emotions are eternally and continuously connected to you. I ask my Higher Self to be aware and conscious of the love and light that is within every person and situation.
This situation calls for uplifting thoughts, which are the magic ingredients you've been looking for. Although you may protest that you already have a positive mind-set, Archangel Michael advises you to purge your thoughts and speech of any worries or other negativity that could diminish your manifestations. Michael says that you can tell how constructive your thoughts are by paying attention to recent events in your life, as there is a direct correlation between positive thoughts and positive results. He'll help buoy your spirits to a truly beneficial level so that your experiences are happy and welcome.
Possible specific meanings: Adopt a daily (or hourly!) practice of saying positive affirmations … Read a book or take a class on positive affirmations … Avoid blaming yourself or others – instead, focus on solutions … Rather than worrying about something, pray and practice a loving, compassionate state of mind

 

this page validates

 

Psalm 19:1-2

Silver Star GraphicAngelic Words HomeSilver Star Graphic

 

Dear Lord Jesus, we love You. Amen.

 

Dear God, show me what you want to show me.

Bible flashcard# 728
Psalm 19:1
19 1 10 pictures

Psalm 19:1-2 KJV

The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork. Day unto day uttereth speech, and night unto night sheweth knowledge.

I declare: The Heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above declares Your handiwork. Day to day pours out speech, and night to night shows me knowledge. Guard my tongue, so that I may speak Your Word, and open my mind to grant me Your knowledge. Amen.

 

Lord, thank You for Your Word that brings me comfort, protection, and all I could ever need.
"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."
Psalm 119:105
In Jesus' Name, Amen
If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to email me: send mail
Thank you for visiting and God bless

angelicwords' intention for these flashcards is to bring glory to Jesus and point a way to Him
these flashcards may be used for renewing the mind – Romans 12:2
God's Holy angels obey the voice of His Word – Psalm 103:20
these cards were not created for fortune-telling or divination of any kind
if in emotional distress, these cards calm and distract me with guidance for the present moment

where angelicwords finds Bible images:

 

this page validates

 

Step 1: I am powerless. Step 2: I believe. Step 3: I surrender.

Silver Star GraphicAngelic Words HomeSilver Star Graphic

guidance from the angels

your messages from heaven

shuffles: 5
cut: 21
question: Higher Power! I am powerless over THC. I am powerless over this addict mind. I believe that you can, you will, and you are restoring me to sanity. Higher Power, I surrender this addict mind and THC over to your loving care. Amen.

Dear Lord,
We pray these angel cards
contain answers from You, Lord Yeshua,
to help this beloved friend.
Thank you for answering all
our prayers in your perfect way,
with your perfect timing.
Amen.

Card# 258
Esteem

Energize

 

Release vitality and enthusiasm into your efforts.
Now, receive divine energy in return!

image credit freeclassicimages.com

 

Card# 119
I AM

 

I am part of a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a purchased people.

1 Peter 2:9 World English Bible (WEB)

9 But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, that you may proclaim the excellence of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light:

 

 

Card# 270

I do believe! Help my unbelief!

 

"I do believe! Help my unbelief!"

Mark 9:24 from Bible Hub

Verse (Click for Chapter)

New International Version
Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

New Living Translation
The father instantly cried out, "I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!"

English Standard Version
Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!”

Berean Study Bible
Immediately the boy's father cried out, "I do believe; help my unbelief!"

Berean Literal Bible
Immediately the father of the child, having cried out, was saying, "I believe; help my unbelief!"

New American Standard Bible 
Immediately the boy's father cried out and said, "I do believe; help my unbelief."

King James Bible
And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

Holman Christian Standard Bible
Immediately the father of the boy cried out, "I do believe! Help my unbelief." 

International Standard Version
With tears flowing, the child's father at once cried out, "I do believe! Help my unbelief!"

NET Bible
Immediately the father of the boy cried out and said, "I believe; help my unbelief!" 

New Heart English Bible
Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, "I believe. Help my unbelief."

Aramaic Bible in Plain English
And immediately the father of the boy cried out weeping and saying, “I believe my lord; help the lack of my faith.”

GOD'S WORD® Translation
The child's father cried out at once, "I believe! Help my lack of faith."

New American Standard 1977 
Immediately the boy’s father cried out and began saying, “I do believe; help my unbelief.”

Jubilee Bible 2000
And straightway the father of the child crying out with tears, said, Lord, I believe; help thou my unbelief.

King James 2000 Bible
And immediately the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.

American King James Version
And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help you my unbelief.

American Standard Version
Straightway the father of the child cried out, and said, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

Douay-Rheims Bible
And immediately the father of the boy crying out, with tears said: I do believe, Lord: help my unbelief. 

Darby Bible Translation
And immediately the father of the young child crying out said [with tears], I believe, help mine unbelief.

English Revised Version
Straightway the father of the child cried out, and said, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

Webster's Bible Translation
And immediately the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou my unbelief.

Weymouth New Testament
Immediately the father cried out, "I do believe: strengthen my weak faith."

World English Bible
Immediately the father of the child cried out with tears, "I believe. Help my unbelief!"

Young's Literal Translation
and immediately the father of the child, having cried out, with tears said, 'I believe, sir; be helping mine unbelief.'

Dear Higher Power, what is your will for my life today?

 

Silver Star GraphicAngelic Words HomeSilver Star Graphic

Answers from the Bible

 

 

Dear Lord,

We pray these Bible flashcards

contain answers from your Word,

the oracles of God,

to help this beloved friend.

Thank you for answering all

our prayers in your perfect way,

with your perfect timing.

Amen.

 

Your question was: Oh God, what should my business be? I have to have my own independent income please and thank you!

The cards were shuffled 5 time(s) and cut at card #: 21

Bible flashcard# 1184

John 14:15-18 Amplified Bible

15 “If you [really] love Me, you will keep and obey My commandments.

Role of the Spirit

16 And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another [a]Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), to be with you forever— 17 the Spirit of Truth, whom the world cannot receive [and take to its heart] because it does not see Him or know Him, but you know Him because He (the Holy Spirit) remains with you continually and will be in you.

18 “I will not leave you as orphans [comfortless, bereaved, and helpless]; I will come [back] to you.

Footnotes:

  1. John 14:16 Gr Paracletos, one called alongside to help.

Amplified Bible (AMP)

 

Bible flashcard# 1027

Psalm 23

23 pictures

Psalm 23 King James Version (KJV)

23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

King James Version (KJV)

by Public Domain

Bible flashcard# 1058

Search for God's face

god’s pictures

Psalm 105:4 King James Version (KJV)

4 Seek the Lord, and his strength: seek his face evermore.

 

 

please use this tool I created with the Lord to receive answers from the true Oracles of God, the Holy Bible

because I endure #extremedepression and #extremeloneliness I was searching for someone to talk to

this tool makes a way for me to talk to the Lord so I’m not so lonely and broken

God’s word always brings upon the healing required for my situations

I trust His answers every time. I pray this tool helps you as well

if you have anything you’d like to talk or ask about, please feel free to email me: send mail

thank you so much for visiting and God bless you and your beloved ones forever

this page validates

God, what is your will for my life today?

Silver Star GraphicAngelic Words HomeSilver Star Graphic

guidance from the angels

your messages from heaven

shuffles: 5
cut: 16
question: Dear Higher Power, I pray for the knowledge of your will for my life and the power to carry it out. I pray that I am of service to others. I pray for my children to have your shalom peace. Amen.

Dear Lord,
We pray these angel cards
contain answers from You, Lord Yeshua,
to help this beloved friend.
Thank you for answering all
our prayers in your perfect way,
with your perfect timing.
Amen.

Card# 172
I AM

 

I am generous. I am excellent. I am equipped.

 

 

Card# 291

 

Psalms 136:1
angel boy pictures
 

Psalm 136:1 The Voice (VOICE)

Psalm 136

This hymn of praise recounts God’s actions in the past: creation, exodus, and the giving of the land to Israel. A repeated refrain indicates this psalm was chanted responsively.

Let your heart overflow with praise to the Eternal, for He is good,
    for His faithful love lasts forever.

The Voice (VOICE)

 

 

Card# 106
I AM

 

I am a slave to righteousness.

Romans 6:18 Young’s Literal Translation (YLT)

18 and having been freed from the sin, ye became servants to the righteousness.

get your own angel flashcard