I want to learn to live

How did you become my father?

When I met you and we fell in love, I was so sure you were the man for me.

I believed you would never hurt me.

You told me sweet lies and I believed you were my friend, a real soul mate.

But you weren’t.

Not really.

The betrayal hurts me so much.

The evil words you spoke to me play over and over in my mind.

I keep seeing you over my head, drilling into my soul what a horrid person you believed me to be.

You knew how much it hurt I lost my family and you beat me down time and again because of it.

You put your hands around my throat to prevent me from coming to see my kids.

You punched my brain over and over when I needed a family.

All I wanted was a happy family.

I believed our dreams were the same.

But they weren’t.

You were not my friend. You were not my soul mate. You were not my true love. You were not a real husband.

Now I know why I always felt separate, kept apart.

It’s because we weren’t really a family.

We weren’t really a husband and his precious wife.

What we were was abuser and victim.

Though I make a poor victim.

I fight back, getting me hurt more than if I would just learn to submit.

But I can’t! I just can’t submit!

I am a Canadian woman and I have rights.

I have a right to learn to live.

I have a right to overcome a life (48 years) of domestic violence.

I want to learn to live.

God, teach me how to live.

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