I got away

I got away. Though I am scared and feeling like a widow and an orphan, I am going to trust the Higher Power to see me through this…

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I am in danger

It’s still going. I am in danger. He is telling me no one wants me. No one wants to be around me. It’s because of me that he abuses women and children. He is acting the perfect abusive husband role. Oh why is this happening? I’m supposed to be getting better because I’m in 2 12 step programs. Help!!!! Higher Power help!!

Domestic violence rears its ugly head once again

My daughter and her man had trouble the other night and their relationship came to an abrupt end after a tumultuous year and a half. She has a 9 month old son. She is now a single parent.

I, being a grandma, thinking our family was healing and that Bruce and I could make good grandparents, started to make arrangements to help her move here. So I could help her and encourage her into a nice little life. Or so I thought.

He turned on me today. Said some really awful stuff about my beloved ones and I. Really awful low class stuff. Called us sarcan stupid. Just really cut in and dug the knife deep. Twisted things I spoke to him in confidence and threw them in my face like garbage. Hurled his insults. Cut deep. So fucking distorted. It made no sense. None at all. I hadn’t done a thing. Not one thing that was unkind or difficult or unreasonable. No, I was a beacon of calm. I went to my meetings this week. I am reading my literature. I am reaching out to my fellow travelers, I am working my Steps. I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. So why is this happening???

This disease is so difficult. The codependency is unbearable. Like why on earth do I stay in a marriage with a man who abuses women and children this way? If I expose my family to this man again, knowing how abusive his speech is towards us, then am I not as guilty as the abuser? I need help to get out though. He is a scary man. A mad man. And I am so angry. And when I get angry and protective of my family, he abuses me. Him and his family. I am all alone here. My family is 8 and a half hours away. I want to go home. Higher Power, please help me get home.