The following post contains my current database of ACA (Adult Child) Recovery flashcards I am using in my personal recovery.
I am using PHP and MySQL for this website. I use phyMyAdmin for my database.
please take what you need and leave the rest…
ACA SERENITY PRAYER
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people i cannot change
the courage to change the one i can
and wisdom to know that one is me
ACA Card #1
Step 1 ==>>
We admitted we were powerless over the effects of alcoholism or other family dysfunction, that our lives had become unmanageable.
ACA Card #2
Step 2 ==>>
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
ACA Card #3
Step 3 ==>>
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand God.
ACA Card #4
Step 4 ==>>
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
ACA Card #5
Step 5 ==>>
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
ACA Card #6
Step 6 ==>>
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
ACA Card #7
Step 7 ==>>
Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
ACA Card #8
Step 8 ==>>
Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
ACA Card #9
Step 9 ==>>
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
ACA Card #10
Step 10 ==>>
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
ACA Card #11
Step 11 ==>>
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understand God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
ACA Card #12
Step 12 ==>>
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others who still suffer, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
ACA Card #13
The “Laundry List”
14 Characteristics of an Adult Child
- We become isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
- We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
- We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
- We either become alcoholics, marry them, or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
- We live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
- We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
- We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
- We became addicted to excitement.
- We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.”
- We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (denial.)
- We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
- We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
- Alcoholism is a family disease and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
- Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.
~ Tony A., 1978 ~
ACA Card #14
The solution is to become your own loving parent
As ACA becomes a safe place for you, you will find freedom to express all the hurts and fears you have kept inside and to free yourself from the shame and blame that are carryovers from the past. You will become an adult who is imprisoned no longer by childhood reactions. You will recover the child within you, learning to accept and love yourself.
The healing begins when we risk moving out of isolation. Feelings and buried memories will return. By gradually releasing the burden of unexpressed grief, we slowly move out of the past. We learn to re-parent ourselves with gentleness, humor, love and respect.
This process allows us to see our biological parents as the instruments of our existence. Our actual parent is a Higher Power whom some of us choose to call God. Although we had alcoholic or dysfunctional parents, our Higher Power gave us the Twelve Steps of Recovery.
This is the action and work that heals us: we use the Steps; we use the meetings; we use the telephone. We share our experience, strength, and hope with each other. We learn to restructure our sick thinking one day at a time. When we release our parents from responsibility for our actions today, we become free to make healthful decisions as actors, not reactors. We progress from hurting, to healing, to helping. We awaken to a sense of wholeness we never knew was possible.
By attending these meetings on a regular basis, you will come to see parental alcoholism or family dysfunction for what it is: a disease that infected you as a child and continues to affect you as an adult. You will learn to keep the focus on yourself in the here and now. You will take responsibility for your own life and supply your own parenting.
You will not do this alone. Look around you and you will see others who know how you feel. We will love and encourage you no matter what. We ask you to accept us just as we accept you.
This is a spiritual program based on action coming from love. We are sure that as the love grows inside you, you will see beautiful changes in all your relationships, especially with God, yourself, and your parents.
retrieved from adultchildren.org/lit/Solution.s on April 4, 2018
ACA Card #15
- We will discover our real identities by loving and accepting ourselves.
- Our self-esteem will increase as we give ourselves approval on a daily basis.
- Fear of authority figures and the need to “people-please” will leave us.
- Our ability to share intimacy will grow inside us.
- As we face our abandonment issues, we will be attracted by strengths and become more tolerant of weaknesses.
- We will enjoy feeling stable, peaceful, and financially secure.
- We will learn how to play and have fun in our lives.
- We will choose to love people who can love and be responsible for themselves.
- Healthy boundaries and limits will become easier for us to set.
- Fears of failure and success will leave us, as we intuitively make healthier choices.
- With help from our ACA support group, we will slowly release our dysfunctional behaviors.
- Gradually, with our Higher Power’s help, we will learn to expect the best and get it.
retrieved from adultchildren.org/lit/Promises.s on April 4, 2018
ACA Card #16
ACA Card #17
Many of us found that we had several characteristics in common as a result of being brought up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional household. We had come to feel isolated and uneasy with other people, especially authority figures. To protect ourselves, we became people-pleasers, even though we lost our own identities in the process. All the same we would mistake any personal criticism as a threat. We either became alcoholics (or practiced other addictive behavior) ourselves, or married them, or both. Failing that, we found other compulsive personalities, such as a workaholic, to fulfill our sick need for abandonment.
We lived life from the standpoint of victims. Having an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, we preferred to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. We got guilt feelings when we stood up for ourselves rather than giving in to others. Thus, we became reactors, rather than actors, letting others take the initiative. We were dependent personalities, terrified of abandonment, willing to do almost anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to be abandoned emotionally. Yet we kept choosing insecure relationships because they matched our childhood relationship with alcoholic or dysfunctional parents.
These symptoms of the family disease of alcoholism or other dysfunction made us “co-victims”, those who take on the characteristics of the disease without necessarily ever taking a drink. We learned to keep our feelings down as children and kept them buried as adults. As a result of this conditioning, we confused love with pity, tending to love those we could rescue. Even more self-defeating, we became addicted to excitement in all our affairs, preferring constant upset to workable relationships.
This is a description, not an indictment.
Adapted from The Laundry List
retrieved from adultchildren.org/lit/Problem.s on April 4, 2018
ACA Card #18
Step One ACA affirmation-meditation exercise
from Twelve Steps of Adult Children Steps Workbook page 42
- I am powerless over the effects of alcoholism and family dysfunction.
- I am powerless over the Laundry List traits.
- My life is unmanageable when I focus on others rather than myself.
- I did not cause my parents’ addictions or dysfunction.
- My feelings and thoughts are separate from the thoughts of my parents and my family.
- I can stop trying to heal or to change my family through my current relationships. I can stop trying to change others.
- I can stop condemning myself without mercy.
- I am a valuable person.
Sometimes affirmations work better for me if I say them with, “You are…” rather than “I am…”
Please try these if you feel guided:
- You are powerless over the effects of alcoholism and family dysfunction.
- You are powerless over the Laundry List traits.
- Your life is unmanageable when you focus on others rather than yourself.
- You did not cause your parents’ addictions or dysfunction.
- Your feelings and thoughts are separate from the thoughts of your parents and your family.
- You can stop trying to heal or to change your family through your current relationships. You can stop trying to change others.
- You can stop condemning yourself without mercy.
- You are a valuable person.
ACA Card #19
God, empty me of me and fill me with Thee.
ACA Card #20
ACA Card #21
Loving Yourself ==>>
I love you, [insert your name here].
I love you, little [insert your name here].
~~~~~while wrapping your arms around yourself and giving your beloved self a hug~~~~~
~~~~~repeat 5 times~~~~~
I love you Rachel, I love you little Rachel.
ACA Card #22
Came to Believe… ACA Statements for the Fellowship Text
1.We believe … this book (ACA Big Book) represents the most complete description of the ACA experience from our fellowship view. (pg. ix)
2.We believe … this discussion (on the greater meaning of ACA Recovery) will lead to new levels of clarity for Adult Children. (pg. ix)
3.We believe … that ACA has the potential to help the suffering Adult Children of the world on the magnitude that Alcoholics Anonymous brought relief to hopeless alcoholics in the 20th century. (xiii)
4.We believe … that once a recovering Adult Child meets and shares his or her story with another Adult Child seeking help, that adult cannot view co-dependence the same again. (pg. xiv)
5.In addition to focusing on ourselves through the Twelve Steps, we believe … that the family system is open for inspection as well. (pg. xv)
6. We believe … that each of us is born with a True Self that is forced into hiding by dysfunctional parenting. (pg. xv)
7.I believe … it is through the Twelve steps program of ACA that we no longer live life from a basis of fear. We live with self-care and love. (pg. xx iv)
8.In ACA we believe … the experiences of growing up in a dysfunctional family affect us as adults. (pg. 3)
9.Adult children from all family types not only feel shame deeply, but we believe … we are shame. (pg. 10)
10.We believe … that we will be safe and never abandoned if we are nice and if we never show anger. (pg. 11)
11.We believe … that the long-term effects of fear transferred to us by a non-alcoholic parent can match the damaging effects of alcohol. (pg. 23)
12.We believe … that hitting, threats, projection, belittlement, and indifference are the delivery mechanisms that deeply insert the disease of family dysfunction within us. (pg. 27)
13.We believe … that something is wrong with us even though we cannot voice what the thing is. (pg. 30)
14.We … either believe … that the way we were raised has a direct link to our compulsions and co-dependence as adults, or we do not believe it. (pg. 33)
15.Yet, if we believe … there is a connection, we can choose ACA and pick up the tools of recovery. (pg. 33)
16.We believe … the solution of inclusion rose from the spiritual depths of ACA meetings and group consciences. (pg. 63)
17.We believe … that the disease of family dysfunction is a spiritual dilemma rather than a moral deficiency to be solved by proper living. (pg. 75)
18.We don’t believe … we have a mental health problem to be cured purely by science. (pg. 75)
19.Many of us believe … that our actual parent is a Higher Power, who is patient and loving. (pg. 75)
20.Most of us no longer believe … that God is punishing, abandoning, or indifferent. (pg, 75)
21.We believe … that family dysfunction is a spiritual disease that best responds to surrender, self-acceptance, and consistent effort by the adult child to make conscious contact with a Higher Power. (pg. 76)
22.We don’t believe … that family dysfunction is a moral deficiency of the parents or that changing our behavior is merely a matter of self-will. (pg. 76)
23.Adult Children of Alcoholics believe … that recovery from the effects of growing up in a dysfunctional home requires spiritual intervention; however we do not propose to be the authority on what works best for each individual. (pg. 78)
24.We are God’s children despite mistakes made. Through such affirmations and Twelve Step work, we come to believe … in our self-worth. (pg. 93)
25.We wrongly believed … we solved the problems from our birth family by keeping our own homes in order. We may have even eliminated alcohol or other dysfunction from our home. Our children, who often act out in addiction or aggression, give us a clue to our failing. We unintentionally passed on our family insanity or distorted thinking. (pg. 134)
26.We came to believe that this behavior was normal when it was insane by the standards of decency or true parental love. (pg. 135)
27.We are not aligned with any religious, mystical, or spiritual systems of belief; however, we believe it is imperative that the recovering adult child find a Higher Power to help him or her find healing from growing up in a dysfunctional home. (pg. 141)
28.We do not believe our brains are missing any elements. We start with the premise that we are whole and that we had a normal reaction to an abnormal situation of being raised in a dysfunctional home. (pg. 143)
29.In ACA, we believe we were born whole and became fragmented in body, mind, and spirit through abandonment and shame. We need help finding a way to return to our miracle state. (pg. 143)
30.We believe in a spiritual solution for the disease of family dysfunction. (pg. 143)
31.In addition to a deep sense of shame and abandonment, we believe that most of our emotional and mental distress can be traced to our steadfast nature to control. In ACA, we realize that control was the survival trait which kept us safe or alive in our dysfunctional homes. (pg. 143)
32.We believe our best hope is seeking a spiritual solution in concert with other recovering adult children. (pg. 148)
33.We are an autonomous program founded on the belief … that family dysfunction is a disease that affected us as children and affects us as adults. (pg. 333)
34.We believe … that the fear and confused thinking of the co-dependent is one of the mechanisms that pass on alcoholism and other family dysfunction even when alcohol is removed from the home. (pg. 335)
35.ACA believes … there is a direct link between our childhood and our decisions and thoughts as an adult. (pg. 338)
36.As discussed in Chapter Two, we believe … that some of our stored feelings become a drug, driving us from the inside to harm ourselves or others. This is the para-alcoholic nature of co-dependence. (pg. 457)
37.With this knowledge of the body, we believe … that fear and other emotions can act as a drug. (pg. 458)
38.We believe … when the time is right, that teen leadership will form meetings for abused and neglected young people wanting what ACA has to offer. (pg. 475)
39.In ACA, we believe … connecting with our feelings and Inner Child are just as important as working the Twelve Steps and Sponsorship. (pg. 558)
Our feelings of self-worth and adequacy start to grow as we successfully reparent ourselves, and we begin to trust our ability to love and serve others. We give service just by being present to support and encourage other members of the program as they make the transition from frightened adult children to whole human beings who are capable of acting with the spontaneity of a child and the wisdom of a mature adult. This central concept underlies and supports all forms of service. (pg. 354)
A healthy relationship involves talking about feelings, mutual respect, and a commitment to trust and honesty. There are many other elements to a successful and intimate relationship, but these are a good start. Not surprisingly, these are the tools and principles included in the ACA program: feelings, respect, trust, and honesty. (pg. 403)
In ACA, we are more alike than different. The common denominator among all adult children involves the sense that we have failed at fixing our families or that we helped cause our family problems. Believing we could have controlled outcomes or restored our family is a common error in thinking among adult children from all dysfunctional family types. Our common solution is a spiritual awakening brought by seeking a God of our Understanding through the Twelve Steps. We must also reparent ourselves and help others to continue our spiritual growth. These are the foundational truths of our fellowship put in place from the beginning. These experiences have sustained us and carried us … as Adult Children of Alcoholics. (pg. 646)
I believe that learning to make relationships work is at the core of full recovery. Doing so takes skill and skills are learned. (pg. 15, Stage II Recovery Life Beyond Addiction, Earnie Larsen)
retrieved from http://acoa.activeboard.com/forum.spark?aBID=42759 April 14, 2018
ACA Card #23
New Thought Patterns From the Big Red Book
Listen to your Inner Child not with fear but with openness.
Love this child for all she or he has had to defend against.
Know that feelings are to be listened to; they are cues and signals that indicate where you are and what you need.
Mistakes are a sign of growing; remember, be gentle with yourself.
Success is not relative to others. It is a feeling of love and accomplishment for yourself.
Recovery is accepting yourself for who you are, no longer waiting for others to define you or approve of you.
It is safe to take time to play today. Play fuels your creativity, tickles your Inner Child, and nurtures your soul.
May you respond with the vulnerability of your child, but with the strength of your adult.
Surround yourself with people who respect and treat you well.
In faith one finds the strength to survive times of great fear and sadness.
see page xxiv-xxv Big Red Book
ACA Card #24
FAMILY DISEASE ==>>
ACA Card #25
PROGRAM SLOGANS THAT WORK ==>>
ACA Card #26
ACA DISEASE MODEL ==>>
ACA Card #27
ACA Card #28
CRITICAL PARENT ==>>
ACA Card #29
THE HIGHER POWER WHO MAKES THIS STUFF LOVES YOU ==>>
ACA Card #30
May I be of service??? ==>>
ACA Card #31
Personal Power ==>>
ACA Card #32
ACA Card #33
Grandparents in ACA ==>>
ACA Card #34
Defects of Character ==>>
ACA Card #35
Emotional Sobriety ==>>
ACA Card #36
Read this… ==>>
ACA Card #37
Acting Purposefully ==>>
ACA Card #38
Reverse Side of the Laundry List ==>>
ACA Card #39
Promise Four ==>>
ACA Card #40
Are You An Adult Child? ==>>
Are you an adult child?
1. Do you recall anyone drinking or taking drugs or being involved in some other behavior that you now believe could be dysfunctional?
2. Did you avoid bringing friends to your home because of drinking or some other dysfunctional behavior in the home?
3. Did one of your parents make excuses for the other parent’s drinking or other behaviors?
4. Did your parents focus on each other so much that they seemed to ignore you?
5. Did your parents or relatives argue constantly?
6. Were you drawn into arguments or disagreements and asked to choose sides with one relative against another?
7. Did you try to protect your brothers or sisters against drinking or other behavior in the family?
8. As an adult, do you feel immature? Do you feel like you are a child inside?
9. As an adult, do you believe you are treated like a child when you interact with your parents? Are you continuing to live out a childhood role with the parents?
10. Do you believe that it is your responsibility to take care of your parents’ feelings or worries? Do other relatives look to you to solve their problems?
11. Do you fear authority figures and angry people?
12. Do you constantly seek approval or praise but have difficulty accepting a compliment when one comes your way?
13. Do you see most forms of criticism as a personal attack?
14. Do you over-commit yourself and then feel angry when others do not appreciate what you do?
15. Do you think you are responsible for the way another person feels or behaves?
16. Do you have difficulty identifying feelings?
17. Do you focus outside yourself for love or security?
18. Do you involve yourself in the problems of others? Do you feel more alive when there is a crisis?
19. Do you equate sex with intimacy?
20. Do you confuse love and pity?
21. Have you found yourself in a relationship with a compulsive or dangerous person and wonder how you got there?
22. Do you judge yourself without mercy and guess at what is normal?
23. Do you behave one way in public and another way at home?
24. Do you think your parents had a problem with drinking or taking drugs?
25. Do you think you were affected by the drinking or other dysfunctional behavior of your parents or family?
(Questions from the ACA Fellowship Text, pp. 18-20)
If you answered “yes” to three or more of these questions, you may be suffering from the effects of growing up in an alcoholic or other dysfunctional family. We welcome you to attend an ACA meeting in your area to learn more.
Adult Children of Alcoholics is an anonymous Twelve Step and Twelve Tradition fellowship. Our meetings offer a safe environment for adult children to share their common experiences. By attending meetings regularly and by sharing about our lives, we gradually change our thinking and behavior. By working the ACA program, we find another way to live.
You can find a worldwide list of ACA meetings, including telephone and online meetings at:
ACA Card #41
The Flip Side of The Laundry List ==>>
The Flip Side of The Laundry List
1) We move out of isolation and are not unrealistically afraid of other people, even authority
2) We do not depend on others to tell us who we are.
3) We are not automatically frightened by angry people and no longer regard personal
criticism as a threat.
4) We do not have a compulsive need to recreate abandonment.
5) We stop living life from the standpoint of victims and are not attracted by this trait in our
6) We do not use enabling as a way to avoid looking at our own shortcomings.
7) We do not feel guilty when we stand up for ourselves.
8) We avoid emotional intoxication and choose workable relationships instead of constant
9) We are able to distinguish love from pity, and do not think “rescuing” people we “pity” is
an act of love.
10) We come out of denial about our traumatic childhoods and regain the ability to feel and
express our emotions.
11) We stop judging and condemning ourselves and discover a sense of self-worth.
12) We grow in independence and are no longer terrified of abandonment. We have interdependent relationships with healthy people, not dependent relationships with people who are emotionally unavailable.
13) The characteristics of alcoholism and para-alcoholism we have internalized are identified, acknowledged, and removed.
14) We are actors, not reactors.
ACA Card #42
The Flip Side of The Other Laundry List ==>>
The Flip Side of The Other Laundry List
1) We face and resolve our fear of people and our dread of isolation and stop intimidating others with our power and position.
2) We realize the sanctuary we have built to protect the frightened and injured child within has become a prison and we become willing to risk moving out of isolation.
3) With our renewed sense of self-worth and self-esteem we realize it is no longer necessary to protect ourselves by intimidating others with contempt, ridicule and anger.
4) We accept and comfort the isolated and hurt inner child we have abandoned and disavowed and thereby end the need to act out our fears of enmeshment and abandonment with other people.
5) Because we are whole and complete we no longer try to control others through manipulation and force and bind them to us with fear in order to avoid feeling isolated and alone.
6) Through our in-depth inventory we discover our true identity as capable, worthwhile people. By asking to have our shortcomings removed we are freed from the burden of inferiority and grandiosity.
7) We support and encourage others in their efforts to be assertive.
8) We uncover, acknowledge and express our childhood fears and withdraw from emotional intoxication.
9) We have compassion for anyone who is trapped in the “drama triangle” and is desperately searching for a way out of insanity.
10) We accept we were traumatized in childhood and lost the ability to feel. Using the 12 Steps as a program of recovery we regain the ability to feel and remember and become whole human beings who are happy, joyous and free.
11) In accepting we were powerless as children to “save” our family we are able to release our self-hate and to stop punishing ourselves and others for not being enough.
12) By accepting and reuniting with the inner child we are no longer threatened by intimacy, by the fear of being engulfed or made invisible.
13) By acknowledging the reality of family dysfunction we no longer have to act as if nothing were wrong or keep denying that we are still unconsciously reacting to childhood harm and injury.
14) We stop denying and do something about our post-traumatic dependency on substances, people, places and things to distort and avoid reality.
ACA Card #43
Step 1 Spiritual Principles ==>> Powerless and Surrender
ACA Card #44
Step 2 Spirtual Principles ==>> Openmindedness and Clarity
ACA Card #45
Step 3 Spirtual Principles ==>> Willingness and Accepting Help
ACA Card #46
Step 4 Spiritual Principles ==>> Self-Honesty and Courage
ACA Card #47
Step 5 Spiritual Principles ==>> Honesty and Trust
ACA Card #48
Step 6 Spiritual Principles ==>> Willingness
ACA Card #49
Step 7 Spiritual Principles ==>> Humility
ACA Card #50
Step 8 Spiritual Principles ==>> Willingness and Self-Forgiveness
ACA Card #51
Step 9 Spiritual Principles ==>> Forgiveness and Courage
ACA Card #52
Step 10 Spiritual Principles ==>> Honesty and Discernment
ACA Card #53
Step 11 Spiritual Principles ==>> Seeking and Listening
ACA Card #54
Step 12 Spiritual Principles ==>> Love and Self-Love
ACA Card #55
Third Step Prayer ==>> God. I am willing to surrender my fears and to place my will and my life in your care one day at a time. Grant me the wisdom to know the difference between the things I can and cannot change. Help me to remember that I can ask for help. I am not alone. Amen.
ACA Card #56
“With help from our ACA support group, we will slowly release our dysfunctional behaviors.”
Fourth Step Prayer:
Divine Creator. Help me to be rigorously honest and to care for myself during this Fourth Step process. Let me practice gentleness and not abandon myself on this spiritual journey. Help me remember that I have attributes, and that I can ask for forgiveness. I am not alone. I can ask for help. Amen.
ACA Card #57
Step 4 Affirmation ==>> The promises of ACA are for me, and they are being fulfilled in my life. I am discovering my real identity. I am facing shame and uncomfortable feelings without running or acting-out. I have positive attribute that I am discovering. God,as I understand God, hears my prayers. I can ask for help.
ACA Card #58
Fifth Step Prayer ==>> Divine Creator: Thank you for this chance to speak honestly with another person about the events of my life. Help me accept responsibility for my actions. Let me show compassion for myself and my family as I revisit my thinking and actions that have blocked me from your love. Restore my child within. Restore my feelings. Restore my trust in myself. Amen.
ACA Card #59
Step 6 Defects of Character & Laundry List Survival Traits ==>>
ACA Card #60
Seventh Step Prayer – Character Defects
God, I am now ready that you should remove from all my defects of character, which block me from accepting your divine love and living with true humility toward others. Renew my strength so that I might help myself and others along this path of recovery.
I humbly ask you to remove my defect of hatred,
I humbly ask you to remove my defect of rage,
I humbly ask you to remove my defect of evil,
I humbly ask you to remove my defect of pride,
ACA Card #61
Seventh Step Prayer – Laundry List Traits
God, I am now ready that you should integrate my survival traits which block me from accepting your divine love. Grant me wholeness.
I humbly ask you to integrate my trait of addictive living,
I humbly ask you to integrate my trait of people-pleasing,
I humbly ask you to integrate my trait of needing everyone to be in love with me,
I humbly ask you to integrate my trait of compulsiveness,
I humbly ask you to integrate my trait of victimhood,
ACA Card #62
Chapter 7 Meditation ==>>
We know that we can have healthy love in our lives. You can have healthy love in your life.
Say, “I can have healthy love in my life.”
page 233 of the Big Red Book
ACA Card #63
During an amends, we might say: “I am involved in a program in which I am learning to change my behavior and to live more honestly and openly. Part of the process involves making amends to people I have harmed with my behavior. I am making amends to you for _______________________ (name the behavior, action, or other). I want to make it right. I am not making excuses, but I have harmed people based on my lack of knowledge about living. I am changing my behavior.”
from page 242 of the Big Red Book
ACA Card #64
Step Seven Affirmations
I am strong
I am humorous
I am sensitive
I am wiling
I am intelligent
I am compassionate
I am courteous
I am talented
I am honest
I am organized
I am spontaneous
I am creative
I am loving
I am a listener
I am spiritual
I am trustworthy
I am tenacious
I am judicious
I am accepting
I am modest
I am prompt
I am kind
I am hard working
I am a friend
I am an ACA member
from page 263 of the Big Red Book
ACA Card #65
Step 11 Prayer ==>> God, may I be whole and my miracle restored. Amen.
ACA Card #66
Step 11 Prayer ==>>
When I look let me truly see.
When I listen let me truly hear.”
see page 274 of the Big Red Book
ACA Card #67
Step 11 Meditation Exercise ==>>
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ACA Card #68
Affirmations for Healthy, Loving Relationships ==>>
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ACA Card #69
Messages from my Higher Power ==>>
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ACA Card #70
Bust Development for those of the female gender abused as children ==>>
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ACA Card #71
Confidence in Company ==>>
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Ego Strengthener ==>>
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ACA Card #73
Chapter Eight Review of Key Terms
- Inner Child – The original person, being, or force which we truly are. Some ACA members call this the True Self.
- False Self – The addicted or codependent self.
- Loving Parent or Reparenting – The inner parent we can develop from the part of us that took action to care for ourselves as children and which can be awakened in recovery.
- Critical Parent – The hypercritical and judgmental voice that frequently finds fault in our thoughts and actions. This includes the frequent blaming of ourselves and others.
see page 298 of the Big Red Book
ACA Card #74
Chapter Eight Affirmations
My feelings are okay
I am human
I make mistakes, but I am not a mistake
I don’t have to be perfect
It is okay to know who I am
see page 298 of the Big Red Book
ACA Card #75
You! Yes, you! Quick go look in a mirror, and say:
“You are loving. You are lovable.”
see page 321 of the Big Red Book
ACA Card #76
Chapter Eight Exercises
Loving Parent Questions
- What is a Loving Parent? What is an Inner Child?
- If you can envision a Critical Parent inside, is it possible to envision a Loving Parent, who is there as well waiting to step forward? Are you willing to explore this possibility?
- Can you see how you took care of yourself as a child and how you can now use that care to nurture a Loving Parent within?
- If you were self-destructive as a child, how would a Loving Parent care for an abused or neglected child? Would you be willing to do these caring things for your Inner Child?
- Name a way you can meet your Loving Parent.
- What are five traits of a Loving Parent?
see page 327 of the Big Red Book
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Chapter Eight Exercises
Inner Child Affirmations
- I love my Inner Child unconditionally.
- I will protect my Inner Child to the best of my ability.
- I will take time to listen to my Inner Child and to follow through on promises.
- I will integrate my Inner Child into my life through play, creativity, and spirituality.
- I will take time to become my own Loving Parent.
see page 328 of the Big Red Book
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Chapter Eight Exercises
Inner Child Questions
- How does your Loving Parent communicate regularly with your Inner Child?
- How might you establish trust with your Inner Child?
- How do you let your Inner Child play regularly?
- How do you integrate your Inner Child into your feelings and decisions?
- How do you affirm your Inner Child or Inner Children?
- How does your Inner Child help you connect you with a Higher Power?
- Do you love your Inner Child unconditionally?
- How has your Inner Child sabotaged you from gettings things done?
see page 328 of the Big Red Book
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Affirmations for your Inner Child from Chapter 8 ==>>
Higher Power. Help me to be willing to recognize the Loving Parent inside of me. Help me integrate my Inner Child more actively into my daily life so that I remain awake spiritually. Grant me the courage to change the things I can. Grant me the wisdom of my Inner Child.
see page 329-330 of the Big Red Book
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Affirmations for Relationships ==>>
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Mirrorwork for Little Rachel ==>>
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Assertiveness Affirmations ==>>
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ACA Affirmations ==>>
1) I am learning it is ok to be different from other people & that being normal is no longer important to me!
2) I am gaining the courage to confront my problems.
3) I am learning to follow through & complete projects, set attainable goals organize & pace myself.
4) I am learning that I have options that will allow me to make decisions.
5) I am learning to be truthful with myself & authentic with others that telling the truth won’t hurt me to say, *I made a mistake* & that mistakes mean growth.
6) I am learning not to dwell on negatives or transfer my negatives to others.
7) I am learning to live & let live.
8) I am learning to have more confidence & believe in myself as well as accepting myself as I am not as an under or over achiever.
9) I am learning to appreciate the little things in life & to enjoy life as it is, whatever the circumstances. I can have fun by assuming the responsibility for my fun.
10) I am learning to let go & turn things over to my Higher Power.
11) I am learning not to take myself so seriously.
12) I am learning to be more open & adaptable & not push people away to be more trusting in intimate relationships to avoid destructive relationships & to walk away from existing relationships that are unhealthy.
13) I am learning to live for myself & not for the approval of others.
14) I am learning not to control or save others.
15) I am learning when to be loyal when not to be loyal & most of all to be loyal to myself.
16) I am learning to understand myself by listening to my inner feelings & avoiding compulsive behavior that seeks immediate gratification.
17) I am learning to stand up for myself by listening to my inner feelings & avoiding compulsive behavior that seeks immediate gratification.
18) I am significant to God.
19) I am learning that everything I need I have at this very moment.
20) I am the best I can be right now.
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Trait 5 ==>>
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Thank you for visiting. Higher Power blessings.
ACA Recovery Resources