Conditional Love

Conditional Love does not equal Real Love

Conditional Love != Real Love

I was only loved by you conditionally. I had to forget my family. I had to turn my children away. I had to serve you and you alone. Then, I received little bits of something I labelled as love.

The moment I desired to be part of a family with my beloved children, you turned into a violent monster. Screaming, raging, name-calling, destroying our souls. What kind of monster are you? You don’t love me. You never did. I was so sick before I couldn’t see this truth, but now I do.

When we met, I believed you were the One! In my severe codependency, I actually believed you loved me. I believed you cared about my well-being. For my peace of mind, I required a family. I required that the damage done between my children and I be repaired. Not left to simmer, get infected, become poison. You wouldn’t allow me to heal the deepest wound a woman can have. The shattered bond between mama and child.

This makes me feel so sad. My friendship was absolutely betrayed. Just like the friendships of the past. You played the role so well. You became a monster like my father. A man who desired his wife to hate her children. So sick. So very sick. You cruelly broke my heart.

Though I heard the cruel words and felt the cruel blows, I didn’t believe you hated us. I mistakenly believed you loved me, and my dear family. That day in the truck when the evil you spewed rolled off your tongue so freely made me realize just how much you hate me. This is not love. Not ever.

Why am I choosing relationships with men who are capable of child abuse? Oh God, remove this character defect from me, I humbly pray. That in the future, if anyone becomes close to me again, help me practice discernment and only allow healthy and whole people in my world. Someone actively living a life of Recovery, working the Steps, reading the Literature, reaching out to others. This is the type of being I wish to attract into my world.



I want to learn to live

How did you become my father?

When I met you and we fell in love, I was so sure you were the man for me.

I believed you would never hurt me.

You told me sweet lies and I believed you were my friend, a real soul mate.

But you weren’t.

Not really.

The betrayal hurts me so much.

The evil words you spoke to me play over and over in my mind.

I keep seeing you over my head, drilling into my soul what a horrid person you believed me to be.

You knew how much it hurt I lost my family and you beat me down time and again because of it.

You put your hands around my throat to prevent me from coming to see my kids.

You punched my brain over and over when I needed a family.

All I wanted was a happy family.

I believed our dreams were the same.

But they weren’t.

You were not my friend. You were not my soul mate. You were not my true love. You were not a real husband.

Now I know why I always felt separate, kept apart.

It’s because we weren’t really a family.

We weren’t really a husband and his precious wife.

What we were was abuser and victim.

Though I make a poor victim.

I fight back, getting me hurt more than if I would just learn to submit.

But I can’t! I just can’t submit!

I am a Canadian woman and I have rights.

I have a right to learn to live.

I have a right to overcome a life (48 years) of domestic violence.

I want to learn to live.

God, teach me how to live.

I am in danger

It’s still going. I am in danger. He is telling me no one wants me. No one wants to be around me. It’s because of me that he abuses women and children. He is acting the perfect abusive husband role. Oh why is this happening? I’m supposed to be getting better because I’m in 2 12 step programs. Help!!!! Higher Power help!!

Domestic violence rears its ugly head once again

My daughter and her man had trouble the other night and their relationship came to an abrupt end after a tumultuous year and a half. She has a 9 month old son. She is now a single parent.

I, being a grandma, thinking our family was healing and that Bruce and I could make good grandparents, started to make arrangements to help her move here. So I could help her and encourage her into a nice little life. Or so I thought.

He turned on me today. Said some really awful stuff about my beloved ones and I. Really awful low class stuff. Called us sarcan stupid. Just really cut in and dug the knife deep. Twisted things I spoke to him in confidence and threw them in my face like garbage. Hurled his insults. Cut deep. So fucking distorted. It made no sense. None at all. I hadn’t done a thing. Not one thing that was unkind or difficult or unreasonable. No, I was a beacon of calm. I went to my meetings this week. I am reading my literature. I am reaching out to my fellow travelers, I am working my Steps. I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. So why is this happening???

This disease is so difficult. The codependency is unbearable. Like why on earth do I stay in a marriage with a man who abuses women and children this way? If I expose my family to this man again, knowing how abusive his speech is towards us, then am I not as guilty as the abuser? I need help to get out though. He is a scary man. A mad man. And I am so angry. And when I get angry and protective of my family, he abuses me. Him and his family. I am all alone here. My family is 8 and a half hours away. I want to go home. Higher Power, please help me get home.

Matthew 24 is Knocking at the Door

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Your search term is: Matthew 24

Bible flashcard# 1208

Matthew 24:10-14 King James Version (KJV)

10 And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.

11 And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many.

12 And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.

13 But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.

14 And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come.

Matthew 24:10-14 Amplified Bible (AMP)

10 At that time many will be offended and repelled [by their association with Me] and will fall away [from the One whom they should trust] and will betray one another [handing over believers to their persecutors] and will hate one another. 11 Many false prophets will appear and mislead many. 12 Because lawlessness is increased, the love of most people will grow cold. 13 But the one who endures and bears up [under suffering] to the end will be saved. 14 This good news of the kingdom [the gospel] will be preached throughout the whole world as a testimony to all the nations, and then the end [of the age] will come.

Bible flashcard# 1302
Johnny Cash – Matthew 24 (Is Knocking At The Door) ==>> I heard on the radio there’s rumors of war People getting ready for battle And there may be just one more I heard about an earthquake And the toll it took away These are the signs of the times we’re in today. Matthew twenty-four is knocking at the door, And there can’t be too much more to come to pass. Matthew twenty-four is knocking at the door, And a day or one more could be the last. A great bear from the northland has risen from his sleep, And the Army ranks in red are near two hundred million deep. The young and old now prophesy a coming Prince of Peace And last night I dreamed of lightning in the east.

Matthew twenty-four is knocking at the door, And there can’t be too much more to come to pass. Matthew twenty-four is knocking at the door, And a day or one more could be the last.?

Matthew 24 Names of God Bible (NOG)

Jesus Teaches His Disciples on the Mount of Olives

24 As Yeshua left the temple courtyard and was walking away, his disciples came to him. They proudly pointed out to him the temple buildings. 2 Yeshua said to them, “You see all these buildings, don’t you? I can guarantee this truth: Not one of these stones will be left on top of another. Each one will be torn down.”

3 As Yeshua was sitting on the Mount of Olives, his disciples came to him privately and said, “Tell us, when will this happen? What will be the sign that you are coming again, and when will the world come to an end?”

Yeshua answered them, “Be careful not to let anyone deceive you. 5 Many will come using my name. They will say, ‘I am the Messiah,’ and they will deceive many people.

6 “You will hear of wars and rumors of wars. Don’t be alarmed! These things must happen, but they don’t mean that the end has come. 7 Nation will fight against nation and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. 8 All of these are only the beginning pains of the end.

9 “Then they will hand you over to those who will torture and kill you. All nations will hate you because you are committed to me. 10 Then many will lose faith. They will betray and hate each other. 11 Many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. 12 And because there will be more and more lawlessness, most people’s love will grow cold. 13 But the person who endures to the end will be saved.

14 “This Good News about the kingdom will be spread throughout the world as a testimony to all nations. Then the end will come.

15 “The prophet Daniel said that the disgusting thing that will cause destruction will stand in the holy place. When you see this (let the reader take note), 16 those of you in Judea should flee to the mountains. 17 Those who are on the roof should not come down to get anything out of their houses. 18 Those who are in the field should not turn back to get their coats.

19 “How horrible it will be for the women who are pregnant or who are nursing babies in those days. 20 Pray that it will not be winter or a day of worship when you flee. 21 There will be a lot of misery at that time, a kind of misery that has not happened from the beginning of the world until now and will certainly never happen again. 22 If God does not reduce the number of those days, no one will be saved. But those days will be reduced because of those whom God has chosen.

23 “At that time don’t believe anyone who tells you, ‘Here is the Messiah!’ or ‘There he is!’ 24 False messiahs and false prophets will appear. They will work spectacular, miraculous signs and do wonderful things to deceive, if possible, even those whom God has chosen. 25 Listen! I’ve told you this before it happens. 26 So if someone tells you, ‘He’s in the desert!’ don’t go out looking for him. And don’t believe anyone who says, ‘He’s in a secret place!’ 27 The Son of Man will come again just as lightning flashes from east to west. 28 Vultures will gather wherever there is a dead body.

29 “Immediately after the misery of those days, the sun will turn dark, the moon will not give light, the stars will fall from the sky, and the powers of the universe will be shaken.

30 “Then the sign of the Son of Man will appear in the sky. All the people on earth will cry in agony when they see the Son of Man coming on the clouds in the sky with power and great glory. 31 He will send out his angels with a loud trumpet call, and from every direction under the sky, they will gather those whom God has chosen.

32 “Learn from the story of the fig tree. When its branch becomes tender and it sprouts leaves, you know that summer is near. 33 In the same way, when you see all these things, you know that he is near, at the door.

34 “I can guarantee this truth: This generation will not disappear until all these things take place. 35 The earth and the heavens will disappear, but my words will never disappear.

No One Knows When the Son of Man Will Return

36 “No one knows when that day or hour will come. Even the angels in heaven and the Son don’t know. Only the Father knows.

37 “When the Son of Man comes again, it will be exactly like the days of Noah. 38 In the days before the flood, people were eating, drinking, and getting married until the day that Noah went into the ship. 39 They were not aware of what was happening until the flood came and swept all of them away. That is how it will be when the Son of Man comes again.

40 “At that time two men will be working in the field. One will be taken, and the other one will be left. 41 Two women will be working at a mill. One will be taken, and the other one will be left.

42 “Therefore, be alert, because you don’t know on what day your Lord will return. 43 You realize that if a homeowner had known at what time of the night a thief was coming, he would have stayed awake. He would not have let the thief break into his house. 44 Therefore, you, too, must be ready because the Son of Man will return when you least expect him.

45 “Who, then, is the faithful and wise servant? The master will put that person in charge of giving the other servants their food at the right time. 46 That servant will be blessed if his master finds him doing this job when he comes. 47 I can guarantee this truth: He will put that servant in charge of all his property. 48 On the other hand, that servant, if he is wicked, may think that it will be a long time before his master comes. 49 The servant may begin to beat the other servants and eat and drink with the drunks. 50 His master will return unexpectedly. 51 Then his master will severely punish him and assign him a place with the hypocrites. People will cry and be in extreme pain there.

Names of God Bible (NOG)


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He’s out drinking and I’m scared for my safety

guidance from the angels

your messages from heaven

shuffles: 6
cut: 22
question: Dear Guardian Angel. I am very scared. This is very isolating and he is going to be very drunk and bad things can happen when he is like that so I am going to need some help please. His family is not on my team O God. I am scared. Please help. Please help. Please help. Don’t leave me like this. Should I go get a room? Am I safe? Maybe I should pack an overnight bag and go get a room somewhere. What do you think?

Dear Lord,
We pray these angel cards
contain answers from You, Lord Yeshua,
to help this beloved friend.
Thank you for answering all
our prayers in your perfect way,
with your perfect timing.
Card# 109
I am the righteousness of God by faith in Christ Jesus.

2 Corinthians 5:21 World English Bible (WEB)

21 For him who knew no sin he made to be sin on our behalf; so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Card# 33
Archangel Michael Oracle Cards


My Prayer: Thank you for sending healing energy to me and through me, for my own blessings and for all those around me. Thank you for connecting me to loving and high-integrity healers and teachers of energy-healing modalities.
This card signifies that your present situation would benefit from healing energy, which you can elicit from the angels (just ask them!), a qualified energy healer, or from your own intentions and energy.
Possible specific meanings: Take measures to boost your energy and vitality, such as exercising and eating healthfully … Enroll in an energy-healing course … Book a session with a qualified energy healer … Your life purpose involves energy-healing work

Card# 30
Archangel Michael Oracle Cards


My Prayer: Dear God and Archangel Michael [and anyone else to whom you pray, such as Jesus], I ask for your Divine intervention with [describe your situation]. I welcome your help, and I trust and follow your guidance, with gratitude and grace. I need a miracle and ask that you send one to me and this situation quickly. Thank you and Amen.
Archangel Michael reminds you that prayer improves every situation, while worry does the opposite. Praying works because it allows God and the angels to offer assistance, since they cannot violate your free will. They can only intercede with your permission and at your request, which is what prayer is.
Although your prayers may be answered differently from your expectations, rest assured that you’re being heard. The Divine mind knows the perfect solution for everyone involved, so your role is to ask for help and then follow the guidance as it is given. God and the angels are in charge of how your prayers are answered, which is usually in ingenious ways beyond the scope of human imagination.
Possible specific meanings: Connect with a prayer group – the more prayers, the better! … Give worries and fears to God and the angels … Have faith, for there’s good reason to be hopeful … Be open to solutions that may differ from your expectations